Saturday, January 17, 2015

I know that at times, my blog can be a downer.  To those that are seeking the fun-loving, out-on-the-town entries, I'll do my best to get those running again.  Believe me, I miss doing them.  But for now, I am writing directly from my heart about my life and current conditions.

Yes, I still get out on the town, just not as much as Before Alzheimer's.  Yes, I still cook at home, but not with the same enthusiasm as in the past (although I really hope to get back to that soon too).  It's not that I'm not DOING some of these things, I just don't seem to remember to document them for blog purposes.  Heavy sigh.

So meanwhile, the blog will be what the blog will be.  That is the intent after all, to write about things that are going on in your life.
I include this cute photo of my Freckles to give you a smile.

To that end, I submit my latest #dearalz entry for your perusal.  I don't apologize for anything written here or for any emotions it may cause during your reading experiences.

Dear Alz,

Today you brought grief into the house.  Again.  One of the hardest things we can ever tell someone is that the person they loved and lived with for the vast majority of their life has died.  Image having to tell this over and over again. 

At the dinner table tonight, Dad formed one of the most coherent questions of the past several months when he looked at me and asked when his wife was going to come home.

It took me by surprise because, frankly, he never asks about anything.  For this question to pop out, and the look of longing in his eyes while doing it, just took away my breath.  Before I could even think I replied with the awful truth the Mom passed away well over a year ago.  Then I sat helpless while this news found its way into his plaque tangled brain and the realization hit him.  Again. 

Alzheimer’s, this is probably the cruelest thing you do to us as families.  I know many family members who encounter this question regularly and have learned to deflect it with phrases such as “they’re at work”, or “they’ll be home tomorrow” with the understanding that most times the afflicted will completely forget about it within moments.

But as hard as it is to watch the eyes of the person you have to tell this news to, it’s just as hard on the rest of us.  Grief comes and goes in waves and when you lose someone, in time you grow to accept it and move on.  Except when faced with that death over and over again.  As fresh as it is in Dad tonight is exactly how fresh the loss is for me every time he asks.  It makes it very difficult to move on. 

Cruelty is one of the sharpest tools in your repertoire, Alzheimer’s.  It’s one of the best ways you have of extending your reach from the person with you living inside them to the people surrounding them.  You have so many tools with which to inflict pain and suffering.  Someday we will find a way to eliminate you and the questions that cause such heartache will dissipate. 

I live for that day.  Meanwhile I will continue to hate what you do and how you do it.  I will spread the word that only with research will we create a cure. 

Please, everyone that reads this and finds it hits home in some way, please share my tags #ihatealz and #dearalz so that we can spread the word far and wide.  Someday, we will ALL hate Alzheimer’s and we’ll finally be strong and smart enough to create a cure. 

Sign me,
I Hate Alzheimer's

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